Nexterday News

Austin, TX (NDNS) — Doctors today at the University of Texas-Austin declared that they have successfully cured President Bush of his chronic stupidity and Lyme Disease. The cure doctors say was as a direct result of federally funded stem-cell research.

President Bush used his first executive veto on funding of such research. “This is really an ironic situation for myself. As President, I was totally against stem-cell research. Arguing that it was the destruction of life. I know know that position was wrongheaded, and caused by my condition of chronic stupidity, which has now been cured.” Said the former Chief of State in a perfect New England accent.

Dr. Bill Montoya of the U of T medical center, “The New England accent isn’t really a shock to us. And, we don’t believe that a Texan accent is a sign of stupidity in others. But, he was born and raised for awhile in Connecticut where the prevalent accent is of a Northeastern origin.  And, his younger siblings also do not have a Texan accent.”

As for the cause of this “chronic stupidity” doctors surmise it from a result of too much drinking and too much “other chemicals” being introduced into his body as a young man.

The biggest shock for President Bush came as he realized that when he was President of the Texas Rangers he traded big-time slugger Sammy Sosa, “I did WHAT!”

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