Nexterday News

Chicago, IL (NDNS) — In an effort to boost lagging sales in the United States, McDonald’s has taken a new, more adult, approach to fast food sales; beer. For the first time in the US McDonald’s will sell Anheuser-Busch brand beer products next to Coca-Cola soft drink products. This is nothing new to European McDonald’s consumers but is radically different in the States.

“This is exciting and new,” stated McDonald’s PR rep Mark Hallogen, “Not only am ‘I eatin’ it’ now ‘I’m drinkin’ it’ too! The American consumer wants constant updates and changes. Suck it Burger King!”

Parents groups, especially in the American South have become quite concerned; such as Beverly Miller of Morally Upstanding Americans for Goodness and Righteousness, “McDonald’s has long advertised to our nation’s children. They’ve put in ‘Play Places’ and advertised with a happy burger loving clown. Now we have drunk adults coming onto the Play Places, and Ronald is not much more then a drunken lush. I got something for you Ronald; ‘I’m abstainin’ (sic) it!’”

Not so says McDonald’s spokes-clown Ronald McDonald, “Hey, I’m a (expletive deleted)-ing adult, G-d dammit! A clown maybe, but an adult first! I can drink when I (expletive deleted) want now! I might be a lush but that (expletive deleted) is a total (expletive deleted) (expletive deleted)!” Said while highly intoxicated at the opening of a new “Ronald McDonald House.”

One thing is for sure; after work this reporter is going to go out and get McShloshed! Cheers!

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