Nexterday News

Des Moines, IA (NDNS) — The USDA announced this morning that several cows in Iowa were found to be infected with “Mildly Upset Cow” disease. The disease first identified in England two years ago affects the nervous system of the cow causing it to show signs of mild irritability leading to bored and a headache. It’s related to “Mad Cow” disease that is actually deadly unlike its cousin, MUC-D.

“No one should really worry much about this, but it’s probably appropriate to remove it from the food supply immediately. I’m not sure we want a population that becomes mildly irritable bored people with headaches in this country.” Said USDA scientist Dr. Herb Walker.

“This is a bunch of bullll (sic) (expletive deleted)! The meat is still good for American families everywhere.” Said Texas Cattleman Tex Texerson. “If you’re afraid to eat my meat, you’re a pussy!”

The fast food industry is worried on the other hand; Gene Webster of the Quick Serve Industry PAC stated, “Do you have any idea who much sales of beef account for in our products? Well, I don’t know either, but it’s like a lot! McDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s, and Taco Bell are all dependent on beef! It’s true that they have some meals that use other meats, but when is the last time you saw someone order a chicken sandwich? I can’t! And, you if do, you’re a liar!”

Scientists remain stymied as to what causes this disease. Mad Cow was as a result of feeding cows beef.

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