Nexterday News

New York, NY (NDNS) — Electronics manufacturer Moto-Apple-Illips has released the first cellular telephone that is the size of an actual human skin cell, and is implanted behind the customer’s eardrum.  The dialing process is done though just thinking about the person that you want to talk to.  And, your voice is picked up through vibrations carried though the users face, while able to block out background noises.

Melvin Ackerman, the man who invented what he calls the “Cell” Phone says, “I thought about this way back in 1999 when I was swimming and my cell phone was stolen.  I thought, wouldn’t it be cool if there was a cell phone the size of a cell.  That way no one can steal it without cutting my head off.”

Police around the country have seen several instances of people being beheaded; each of these victims was thought to be a “beta tester” for the “Cell” Phone.  FBI Investigator Tom Jacobs told Nexterday, “It’s not like I would try to encourage persons not to buy the product, but to be extra careful where they put their heads.”

Brainy Egg Head scientist from discredited Harvard University, Dr. Dick Hammond disagreed, “Oh, I completely discourage anyone from using the “Cell” Phone because of the harmful radiation it puts out directly into the brain.  I installed one into a lab rat named Missy, and she developed a tumor in her head that grew to the size of a basketball, this product is totally dangerous and should not be used by anyone.”

This reporter is himself using the new “Cell” Phone, and is loving it.  But, my hats don’t seem to fit anymore.

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