Nexterday News

Beverly Hills, CA (NDNS) – Human rights groups from around the world are currently outraged at Luigi Marconi of Encino, CA yesterday for opening America’s first (at least since the late-1850’s) “Luigi’s Imported Used Baby Emporium.” Luigi an Italian immigrant and former owner of “Luigi’s Imported Used Car Emporium” got the idea from seeing celebrities fawn over adopting children from overseas.

“You see, before I opened my store only A-List celebrities could afford to travel overseas and get a foreign made baby; but, now even B-List celebrities, the moderately wealthy, and Kathy Griffin can afford a used foreign baby. What we do is go overseas to find the best of the crop of foreign used babies, bring them over here, and sell them wholesale! You want a baby from Burma? Done! You want a child from Cambodia? Done! You want a kid from Kenya? Done!”

Human Rights advocate Monica Speers stated on behalf of Children Are Not Slaves, “This is a terrible outrage what that bastard Luigi Marconi is doing! Children are not to be bought and sold on the open market like imported iguanas! I swear, and I know it’s a very serious felony, but if I ever meet this bastard I’ll stab the mother f**ker!”

When asked about the moral implications of selling babies Mr. Marconi responded, “I am a free-market capitalist. It is in my best interests to put these babies in the best homes possible, at acceptable market rates. It costs a lot for me to send teams to countries all over the world and kidnap, I mean, deal with local governments to remove children who are being mistreated in run down orphanages; beaten by nuns, molested by priests, all very sad. And, it’s that CANS organization they are the real baby killers. And, abortionist, they kill a lot of babies too you know. Also, foreign babies are better for the environment then American made babies. The foreign ones eat so much less.”

Brad and Louise Davis of Orange County, CA were among the first customers, “Oh, we just love little Diem (their Vietnamese born used child), he’s so much better then our previous child. They gave us a great deal to trade in Ben Jr. Ben Jr. just ate so much food it was a drain on our budgets and bad for the environment. Diem is happy with just a bowl of rice a day. Thanks Luigi!”

Celebrities like Angelina Jolie are delighted at the new service, “Finally, I don’t actually have to go to those smelly foreign places anymore, and I can finally stop sucking up to the f**king U.N. I swear all Ban Ki-Moon does when I’m around is stare at my juggs.”

And, without Ban Ki-Moon staring at Angelina’s juggs, maybe we’re that much closer to world peace.

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