Nexterday News

New York, NY (NDNS) — The Magazine Better Sons and Daughters has named late-90’s pop sensation Britney Spears as Parent of the Year of 2017. It marks a remarkable turn around in her life. It was just ten years ago next month that she lost custody of her children, Sean Preston and Jayden James, to her now late ex-husband Kevin Federline (died in a tragic celeb-reality show dance off contest on VH-1 four years ago in which he somehow caught fire, someone in his entourage then threw gasoline on him mistakenly thinking that gasoline puts fire out, and fell into an illegal celebrity dog fighting ring where he was torn apart by two different Lassies and a decedent of that dog who played Bingo). But, now with new husband, pro-golfer, Sergio Garcia, have raised a baby boy, Horatio Spears-Garcia into an award winning three-year old child.

Mrs. Spears-Garcia commented to Nexterday News in a phone interview about the award, “I’m like so excited about this, y’all. And like, really I think I never could’ve been this successful as a parent if it had not been for marrying that dumbass backup dancer. Like, my dumb and his dumb combined and it was like that cartoon, Captain Planet; only instead of getting a dude who cleaned up the environment when our powers combined. When our powers combined we created two creatures that would end up wrecking everyone’s life and destroy the environment.”

It was just two years ago that her first two children took over an oil tanker in Los Angeles harbor, killed the crew, then crashed it into a nearby nature preserve and then lit it on fire; which created one of the largest environmental disasters in all of human history. They are currently being held in a juvenile detention center until they reach 21 years of age, and then will transfered into a Federal Super-Max Prison in Colorado to serve 12 consecutive life sentences.

“With Sergio, it’s like totally different, y’all. Our super baby has taken from like both of us, Horatio is like super awesome at the piano. And, not like a baby piano but like one of them big ass grand ones that like Beethoven played his stuff on. And, just like his Daddy, he already can hit the ball like 300 yards! It’s like for every year of age he can hit that thing a hundred more yards. When he’s like 18, he’ll hit that thing like 1800 yards or somethin! That’d be like some sort of record y’all!” Said the award winning mother.

As to why she was given the award, Betty Childress, of Better Sons and Daughters, stated, “Well, it’s more like a most improved parent of the year. We don’t have that award, so she got the one for being the best. And, she paid us A LOT money. A LOT of money.”

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