Nexterday News

San Francisco, CA (NDNS) – San Francisco Police Chief Stanley Marks announced today that late last night negotiators were finally able to communicate with the leaders of what the media have been calling the “Apeanese Liberation Army.” They were able to do this because the ape second in command, a chimp named Koko, had been used in a study to teach apes sign language.

SFPD Special Ape Translator Maggie James spoke to reporters after the initial negotiations, “The ALA have made several demands. 1. Bananas, lots of bananas; 2, a helicopter to the airport; 3, a plane with a destination to the Congo; and 4, the in-flight movie must be Dunston Checks In or they will kill all the hostages.”

Also released today are the names of the hostages. Six of them are just random people who most of you wouldn’t care if they lived or died; but, one of the hostages is a relative of the Murdoch media fortune, and that is Patty Murdoch, a 19-year old college student and granddaughter of the late media mogul Rupert Murdoch. Thankfully, she is said to be in very good condition, while the others no one cares much about.

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.