April 16, 2014 — Hudgens Loses Kids to F-Zuck!

January 12th, 2008 Henry Davis Posted in 2014, Clowns, Henry Davis, Stupid Parents, Vanessa Hudgens No Comments »

Los Angeles, CA (NDNS) — A court has ordered actress and pop singer Vanessa Hudgens to give up custody of her two children, to their biological father, Frank Zuckerman, better known in the media as, “F-zUCK.”

As of Wednesday at noon, joint custody will end between the two parents, and 100% custody will go Zuckerman; a 23 year old current backup dancer for KISS who once lit himself on fire at a water park, bought a Toyota Prius and modified it with a Chevy “Big Block” engine, and cries at the end of The Fast and the Furious. That guy has been deemed to be a better parent then Ms. Hudgens.

It isn’t certain why the court ordered Hudgens to give up custody of her children but it may have had something to do with a series of incidents involving alcohol, drugs, nudity, and letting one of her toddlers drive her home because she was too drunk. Oddly enough, LAPD officers who spotted the toddler driving commented that he was in fact one of the best drivers they have seen in the city in a very long time.

Celebrity blogger Perez Hilton said of this, “This is very reminiscent of Britney Spears a few years ago, before she gained 200 pounds. We can only hope that Ms. Hudgens can cope with this a lot better then Britney did. She’s currently responsible for half of my visitors; when Spears got bigger then the Good Year blimp my site stats went way down; that is until Hudgens went nuts.”

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June 15, 2014 — Mildly Upset Cow Hits Iowa!

September 30th, 2007 Henry Davis Posted in 2014, Economics, Fast Food, Health, Henry Davis 1 Comment »

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Des Moines, IA (NDNS) — The USDA announced this morning that several cows in Iowa were found to be infected with “Mildly Upset Cow” disease. The disease first identified in England two years ago affects the nervous system of the cow causing it to show signs of mild irritability leading to bored and a headache. It’s related to “Mad Cow” disease that is actually deadly unlike its cousin, MUC-D.

“No one should really worry much about this, but it’s probably appropriate to remove it from the food supply immediately. I’m not sure we want a population that becomes mildly irritable bored people with headaches in this country.” Said USDA scientist Dr. Herb Walker.

“This is a bunch of bullll (sic) (expletive deleted)! The meat is still good for American families everywhere.” Said Texas Cattleman Tex Texerson. “If you’re afraid to eat my meat, you’re a pussy!”

The fast food industry is worried on the other hand; Gene Webster of the Quick Serve Industry PAC stated, “Do you have any idea who much sales of beef account for in our products? Well, I don’t know either, but it’s like a lot! McDonald’s, Burger King, Wendy’s, and Taco Bell are all dependent on beef! It’s true that they have some meals that use other meats, but when is the last time you saw someone order a chicken sandwich? I can’t! And, you if do, you’re a liar!”

Scientists remain stymied as to what causes this disease. Mad Cow was as a result of feeding cows beef.

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