Nexterday News

With only 4 days remaining until the important Guam Democratic Primary, former U.S. President has opted to switch sides and endorse Sen. Barack Obama over his wife, Sen. Hillary Clinton. This latest blow to the Hillary campaign may signal the end of Hillary’s Presidential ambitions.

“Have you seen his wife? WOWZERS!” said President Clinton of Michelle Obama “If my wife was that hot I never would have slept with a fat intern.”

“We’re Pulling a Train” said Sen. Obama metaphorically, “All the way to Denver and then on to the White House and I’ll take all the help I can get. I have always respected and admired President Clinton and am very Grateful for his support.”  The Clinton Campaign was unavailable for comment prior to news time.

Washington, DC (NDNS) — Tomorrow, September 11th, 2011, marks the tenth anniversary of the Al Qaeda attack on the World Trade Center and Pentagon. To mark the unfortunate event the 2nd 9/11 Commission will release a report saying that 9/11 was in fact NOT an “inside job” and that 9/11 Conspiracy theorists are just really dumb assholes.

Dumb asshole, Dylan Avery, the director of Loose Change, a movie about 9/11 saying it was a conspiracy had this to say, “Like, that panel is nothing but a bunch of LIARS! DIRTY! DIRTY! LIARS! PANTS ON FIRES! Yeah!”

Committee chair Barack Obama stated, “There was absolutely no obfuscation of any materials that we asked for. The President has been totally forth coming with all information and has allowed us access to all of the intelligence gathering agencies, and without a doubt the people responsible for 9/11 was Al-Qaeda and that the Loose Change guys are in fact a bunch of assholes.”

The committee is not releasing all the information in regards to why they came to their decisions, but said that it would harm national security, and you really don’t want to know how bad it really is.

For some background information please use this link.