Nexterday News

Los Angeles, CA (NDNS) - Two weeks ago, we reported that the Writer’s Guild of America strike finally came to an end seventeen years after it began. That news was followed by the announcement of an original program returning to the datastream, effectively ending reality programming’s sixteen year reign. Doofati Entertainment was revealed to be the producer of the top-secret series, the details of which were being kept under wraps.

Until now.

This morning, Bill Frederik of Doofati Entertainment spilled the beans on what is being called The Seinfeld Chronicles. It will be a remake of the early 1990s beloved sitcom Seinfeld.

“What better way to celebrate the end of the strike than by recreating a television hallmark?” Doofati said at a press conference. “After the strike we immediately went into negotiations with the Seinfeld estate and secured the rights. Everybody attached to this project is very excited.”

The Seinfeld Chronicles, Frederik promises, will be darker and grittier than it’s original counterpart, though still staying true to it’s roots as a comedy.

“Try not to think of it as a remake,” Frederik said. “It’s more of a re-imagining. We’ve assembled a stellar team of writers each with their own unique vision to give the show a sense of edgy consistency.”

Perhaps the most controversial move comes from the casting department, who, Frederik said, chose to recast Kramer as female.

“Kramer was a beloved icon of the 90s, and we didn’t want to touch the Kramer character,” he said. “However, viewers should now expect to laugh and cry at at antics of Carla Kramer. We expect it will add a bit of ambiguity to Jerry and George’s relationship with the character.”

While three of the four cast members from the original are still alive and well, none have been contacted about possible cameos or guest spots. Frederik said he hopes to soon approach Jerry Seinfeld with the possibility of him taking up the role of Jerry’s father on the show, Morty, but nothing is official.

Many television analysts are surprised and disappointed by the announcement, wishing that Doofati Entertainment had instead developed something original to celebrate the end of the strike and a return to creativity.

Los Angeles, CA (NDNS) - For the first time since 2009, a scripted television show has made the fall 2026 schedule. This news follows the deal made on Friday, where the Writers Guild of America finally resolved their strike with the Association of Motion Picture and Television Producers.

The Writers Guild went on strike against the Association of Producers in late 2007 when the producers refused to pay them for written television shows shown on the Internet. After seventeen years, both sides were glad to have finally made an agreement last week.

“It became a moot point,” an AMPTP spokeswoman said on Friday in regards to the strike. “We won. The Internet has been replaced, and we didn’t pay the writers a dime. Collectively, we only made thirty trillion dollars since streaming television was introduced. Yet without a sustainable business model, there just wasn’t enough to go around.”

So far, only one scripted pilot is on the books for this fall. The details about the show are being kept under wraps, but it’s believed it will be a lighter fare, perhaps even an old fashioned situation comedy, once referred to as a “sitcom.”

“We don’t want to do anything too edgy,” Bill Frederik of Doofati Entertainment, the company behind the pilot, said. “For seventeen years all we’ve had is reality programming. We want to gage what the public is ready for in terms of a scripted story.”

Many have taken Frederik’s statement to mean the American public has been dumbed down during the almost two decades the writers have been on strike. Reality television shows are often spontaneous and unscripted and therefore flourished when the networks needed programming to fill the time once used by written fare, and have often been looked down upon as mindless entertainment.

The untitled pilot will be available this fall among the usual suspects: American Idol XXIV, Survivor: The Moon, Iraq’s Next Top President, Extreme Makeover: Robot Edition, and Swirling Colors Accompanied by Strange Sounds.

New York, NY (NDNS) — The Magazine Better Sons and Daughters has named late-90’s pop sensation Britney Spears as Parent of the Year of 2017. It marks a remarkable turn around in her life. It was just ten years ago next month that she lost custody of her children, Sean Preston and Jayden James, to her now late ex-husband Kevin Federline (died in a tragic celeb-reality show dance off contest on VH-1 four years ago in which he somehow caught fire, someone in his entourage then threw gasoline on him mistakenly thinking that gasoline puts fire out, and fell into an illegal celebrity dog fighting ring where he was torn apart by two different Lassies and a decedent of that dog who played Bingo). But, now with new husband, pro-golfer, Sergio Garcia, have raised a baby boy, Horatio Spears-Garcia into an award winning three-year old child.

Mrs. Spears-Garcia commented to Nexterday News in a phone interview about the award, “I’m like so excited about this, y’all. And like, really I think I never could’ve been this successful as a parent if it had not been for marrying that dumbass backup dancer. Like, my dumb and his dumb combined and it was like that cartoon, Captain Planet; only instead of getting a dude who cleaned up the environment when our powers combined. When our powers combined we created two creatures that would end up wrecking everyone’s life and destroy the environment.”

It was just two years ago that her first two children took over an oil tanker in Los Angeles harbor, killed the crew, then crashed it into a nearby nature preserve and then lit it on fire; which created one of the largest environmental disasters in all of human history. They are currently being held in a juvenile detention center until they reach 21 years of age, and then will transfered into a Federal Super-Max Prison in Colorado to serve 12 consecutive life sentences.

“With Sergio, it’s like totally different, y’all. Our super baby has taken from like both of us, Horatio is like super awesome at the piano. And, not like a baby piano but like one of them big ass grand ones that like Beethoven played his stuff on. And, just like his Daddy, he already can hit the ball like 300 yards! It’s like for every year of age he can hit that thing a hundred more yards. When he’s like 18, he’ll hit that thing like 1800 yards or somethin! That’d be like some sort of record y’all!” Said the award winning mother.

As to why she was given the award, Betty Childress, of Better Sons and Daughters, stated, “Well, it’s more like a most improved parent of the year. We don’t have that award, so she got the one for being the best. And, she paid us A LOT money. A LOT of money.”

Hollywood, CA (NDNS) — Television anti-crime activist and host of America’s Most Wanted, John Walsh, purchased MySpace yesterday for $500 Million Dollars. It totals as an $80 Million loss in value that NewsCorp purchased the company back in 2005.

NewsCorp Spokesperson Peter Dickman explained this to reporters, “It became inevitable that we would have to sell off the MySpace property as it mostly became a haven for pedophiles. The non-pedophile population of MySpace accounts for only about 15 percent of users, and of those users they tend to be under the age of 18 not knowing that it has become a breeding ground for pedophiles and are not totally aware of Facebook as they’re not in college yet. NewsCorp does not want to be associated with that many pedophiles.”

In a note of interest, Pedophile Island has become a ratings bonanza on NewsCorp owned Fox Networks. And, this past summer To Catch a Big Brother on CBS and NBC has increased ratings in the show’s third season.

Walsh isn’t the only person or organization involved in this venture, as he does not have half a billion to throw around. Other share holders include, but are not limited to; Chris Hansen, several anti-pedophile groups, and Pee-Wee Herman.

John Walsh said of the purchase, “Yes, I know that this is costing a lot, but it’s extremely valuable to law enforcement to have a one-stop-shop for tracking down and capturing pedophiles.”