Nexterday News

Los Angeles, CA (NDNS) - Two weeks ago, we reported that the Writer’s Guild of America strike finally came to an end seventeen years after it began. That news was followed by the announcement of an original program returning to the datastream, effectively ending reality programming’s sixteen year reign. Doofati Entertainment was revealed to be the producer of the top-secret series, the details of which were being kept under wraps.

Until now.

This morning, Bill Frederik of Doofati Entertainment spilled the beans on what is being called The Seinfeld Chronicles. It will be a remake of the early 1990s beloved sitcom Seinfeld.

“What better way to celebrate the end of the strike than by recreating a television hallmark?” Doofati said at a press conference. “After the strike we immediately went into negotiations with the Seinfeld estate and secured the rights. Everybody attached to this project is very excited.”

The Seinfeld Chronicles, Frederik promises, will be darker and grittier than it’s original counterpart, though still staying true to it’s roots as a comedy.

“Try not to think of it as a remake,” Frederik said. “It’s more of a re-imagining. We’ve assembled a stellar team of writers each with their own unique vision to give the show a sense of edgy consistency.”

Perhaps the most controversial move comes from the casting department, who, Frederik said, chose to recast Kramer as female.

“Kramer was a beloved icon of the 90s, and we didn’t want to touch the Kramer character,” he said. “However, viewers should now expect to laugh and cry at at antics of Carla Kramer. We expect it will add a bit of ambiguity to Jerry and George’s relationship with the character.”

While three of the four cast members from the original are still alive and well, none have been contacted about possible cameos or guest spots. Frederik said he hopes to soon approach Jerry Seinfeld with the possibility of him taking up the role of Jerry’s father on the show, Morty, but nothing is official.

Many television analysts are surprised and disappointed by the announcement, wishing that Doofati Entertainment had instead developed something original to celebrate the end of the strike and a return to creativity.

Los Angeles, CA (NDNS) - For the first time since 2009, a scripted television show has made the fall 2026 schedule. This news follows the deal made on Friday, where the Writers Guild of America finally resolved their strike with the Association of Motion Picture and Television Producers.

The Writers Guild went on strike against the Association of Producers in late 2007 when the producers refused to pay them for written television shows shown on the Internet. After seventeen years, both sides were glad to have finally made an agreement last week.

“It became a moot point,” an AMPTP spokeswoman said on Friday in regards to the strike. “We won. The Internet has been replaced, and we didn’t pay the writers a dime. Collectively, we only made thirty trillion dollars since streaming television was introduced. Yet without a sustainable business model, there just wasn’t enough to go around.”

So far, only one scripted pilot is on the books for this fall. The details about the show are being kept under wraps, but it’s believed it will be a lighter fare, perhaps even an old fashioned situation comedy, once referred to as a “sitcom.”

“We don’t want to do anything too edgy,” Bill Frederik of Doofati Entertainment, the company behind the pilot, said. “For seventeen years all we’ve had is reality programming. We want to gage what the public is ready for in terms of a scripted story.”

Many have taken Frederik’s statement to mean the American public has been dumbed down during the almost two decades the writers have been on strike. Reality television shows are often spontaneous and unscripted and therefore flourished when the networks needed programming to fill the time once used by written fare, and have often been looked down upon as mindless entertainment.

The untitled pilot will be available this fall among the usual suspects: American Idol XXIV, Survivor: The Moon, Iraq’s Next Top President, Extreme Makeover: Robot Edition, and Swirling Colors Accompanied by Strange Sounds.

Hollywood, CA (NDNS) — Management for the rock band InXtreme announced today that they will be releasing the band’s “Greatest Hits” album during the second week of May. The only problem with this is that, it is their first album and have never had any hit songs.

Lead singer Snake Ripley said, “Well, I know we’ve never put out an album, per say. But, there have been a lot of bootlegs out there, and they’ve been really well received by our dozens and dozens of fans that we’ve met across this amazing country of America. And, putting out this “Greatest Hits” album can really help us connect with a whole new segment of people out there who have been unfortunate enough not be be able to listen to our rockin’ jams in all their rock glory.”

Tracks on the upcoming album will include; Talk Unclean to Me, Mulling the Mullet, The Super-Awesome Rock Band Known as InXtreme, and Audio of the Band Arguing With a Club Manager Who Did Not Like Them Very Much.

Rock critic, Barnes Noble from Splinder Magazine had this to say about InXtreme’s upcoming album, “It’s pure (expletive deleted), total excrement. How can a band, that no one’s ever heard of put out a “Greatest Hits” record? It’s preposterous I say. I’m sure the M-Tee-Vee crowd will love it, but they’re all (expletive deleted)-ing ‘tards anyway. Piss off!”

When told of the comments of Mr. Noble the band’s manager Ron Decline was furious, “That no talent hack said what? (Expletive deleted) that (expletive deleted)-ing (expletive deleted)-er! All that guy can do is write, but can he make hit records? No! Only I can create hit records! The rest are all imitators! Traitors to the glory of rock and roll! Phil Spector, pfft (sic) he learned everything from me, except how to cover up a murder. Rick Rubin, the long beard was created by me and ZZ Top! Kanye! Yeah, well I suppose he’s fairly decent. But! He doesn’t do Rock and a Rolla (sic)! The real rock fans out there, and you know who they are, know real Rock when they see it, and they see it in InXtreme!“

“Real Rock Fan” Angel Harris, a 14-year old girl from Greenwich, Connecticut, said, “Oh, may (sic) gawd (sic)! I just saw these guys, no, these, like rock gauds (sic)! I saw InXtreme on TRL, they are sooooo (sic) rock (sic). And, Snake is sooooo (sic) dreamy!”

Minneapolis, MN (NDNS) — Last night Presidential Contenders, Sen. Will Jamison (D-MA) and Gov. George Mason (R-TX) squared off in a debate. Things got dirty early and rules where thrown out as both sides totally disregarded the moderator and the mud started to fly.

The harshest comments came from the Texas Governor, “So, you may have served in the Iraq War, but I actually supported it and had a “I Support The Troops” yellow ribbon magnet on the back of my Toyota!”

It was then Gov. Mason dropped the biggest bomb of the night, “So, you were there, but I’ve spoken with several soldiers who where over there at approximately the time, and only two provinces over serving in a different battalion, told me that you were a giant pussy when it came to combat. That you would stay behind as you let your troops go in first and get shot first. What kind of leadership is that? And, that you may have possibly murdered and raped civilians. I can tell you I’ve never murdered or raped civilians!”

“I can’t believe you would make allegations like that against me! I did no such thing!” Said Sen. Will Jamison. He then retorted, “Well, if you supported the war so much how come you didn’t enlist?”

“I was busy running the University chapter of College Republicans fighting against those who would say the cause was not right. I was a hero and a patriot, and you raped babies. It’s a simple choice people; an American hero like me, or a baby-raping pussy like my opponent.”

Joe Johnson, who served with Senator Jamison said of the Senator’s combat record, “I don’t know where the governor got his information, but Senator Jamison is one of the bravest men I know and saved my life and the lives of my squad mates on numerous occasions.”

Bill Blanson of “Stryker Vets for Truth” responded to Johnson, “Well, I heard you were a bigger pussy then Jamison! And, that buddy is a huuuuge (sic) pussy!”

Initial polling taken after the debate indicated that the Texan got a five-point bump in the polls. And, puts his numbers at 51% support while Senator Jamison’s numbers are at an anemic 49%. Bob Smith of some small town you’ve never heard of said, “I don’t know if I’m comfortable with having someone who is a giant baby-raping pussy leading our country.

A 98-Year Old Ralph Nader, who is running for the New Green Party, said, “They’re all the same and unsafe at any speed! Potato! Tomato! Bingo!”He then shuffled off yelling more things that were nonsensical.

Both candidates are within the margin of error.

Hollywood, CA (NDNS) — It’s September, and you know what that means?  New TV shows that will be off the air within several episodes!  And, some that become huge hits and part of our national zeitgeist.  But, who am I kidding?  These new shows are going to suck!

The Bionic She-Man (NBC):  After the miserable failure of The Bionic Woman two Septembers ago, it truly came as a shock to me that the Peacock network would honestly try to rework this show.  Instead of being a woman with bionic implants, the protagonist is a Bionic Tranny trying to escape from the evil clutches of the “first Bionic Tranny.”I have a feeling that viewers will have an easy time escaping from this “Bionic Disaster.”  Off-the-air by the end of the season.

Eat (ABC):  This new reality show features the exploits of many of the world’s better known competitive eaters.   Each show will end with a “Feat of Eat” where the world’s “best” square off in a battle of an un-square meal.  I anticipate that anyone who watches this will immediately go on a diet or get gastro-bypass.  Off-the-air just after Thanksgiving.

CSI:  Green Bay (CBS):  For the past ten years the Tiffany network has been regurgitating CSI clones at us faster then Nicole Richie after an all you can eat buffet.  Now comes the “Arc de defeat” a CSI taking place in “crime capitol” Green Bay, Wisconsin.  Hey, CBS!  The only crime being committed in Green Bay happens once a year when the Packers “murder” the Lions in football.  You should investigate that!  Off-the-air by Halloween.

Todd (CW):  This is a show about a quirky guy named Todd who lives with his parents;  but, his parents were recruited by the CIA to spy on hippies, but the hippies killed his parents, now the CIA is making Todd spy on the hippies, but he likes the hippies, so he joins their side, in the process is recruited by the Devil to irradicate evil and make pop-culture references.  I’m not going to make a snide comment about the show; the show makes fun of itself.  But unlike other shows that “make fun of themselves,” this show doesn’t know it.  Off-the-air by who knows?  It’s the CW, it’s not like they’re making anything better then this!